omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
