Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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