my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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