Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
