69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
