i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
