good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
