oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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