Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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