someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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