I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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