If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
