What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
