well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
