remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
