Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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