Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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