I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
