i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
