lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
