Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
