I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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