i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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