He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
