i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
