Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
