Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
