I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
