I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
