I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
