Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
