How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We have started to decorate penises.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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