it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
