I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
