I wish I only lived at night.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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