so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
