She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
