he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
