Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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