Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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