How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
