Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My ATM looks so different sober.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize