I am puke
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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