So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
