dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
