Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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