do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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