I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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