when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
