I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
