physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
