my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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