how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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