I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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