I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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