So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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