Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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