It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
