If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
