trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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