What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
