she woke up with a sticky ear
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
