you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
