I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize