I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
