it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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