he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
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He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We had sex on a dog bed..
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The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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