Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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